IS ‘FIDELITY’ OVERRATED?

Fidelity by choice or by chance?

In an attempt to answer a request from my friend (hub pages), I am, once again, showing the audacity to step into one of the most controversial domains of human relationships. For ages, this has been an arena, in which almost every individual finds himself trapped, at least once in a lifetime, by choice or by chance. Although, literally speaking, the term ‘infidelity’ (absence of ‘fidelity’) can also be extended to relationships involving business partnerships but here I have confined myself to personal and emotional relationships only. Interestingly, the term ‘infidelity’ has always been condemned by those who do not indulge in it and justified as being reasonable, by those who show such behavioral patterns. The reasons for such indulgence can be varied, ranging from, emotional disturbances, a loveless life, short term infatuation, simple desire to experiment, insatiably high sexual urges, passive aggression, a perverse pleasure, to a simple a hormonal imbalance or even a natural magnetic aura which draws the opposite sex closer no matter how much one resists. Considering how complex human psyche has become in the process of keeping pace with fast moving society, the list can be endless.

Curbing the animal instinct!

Knowing very well that no one on this planet is infallible and that, things, often times, just happen and are not planned or intended that way, it still becomes almost impossible to deem such actions pardonable, especially for those who have never set foot in this ‘land of temptations’. Speaking for the partners (lovers or spouses) of such people (showing infidelity) they feel completely cheated, betrayed and heartbroken. When I dug deep into the roots of these socially overrated concepts like ‘morality’ and ‘fidelity’, it dawned on me that such terms were, most likely, coined to bind an individual within the parameters of a socially accepted and an orderly society. Considering the basic (animal) instincts of a human being, it might have seemed quite logical to institutionalize him in a way that he gets all the freedom to roam around in his small world, subject to a proviso, that if he breaks the ‘rules’ he would have to suffer consequences. From one aspect these ‘rules’ seem to be legitimate as they prevent the formation of a disorderly and a chaotic society to a certain extent; imagine a society where one wouldn’t have to think twice before sleeping with anyone. No matter how tempting that sounds, it would have placed humans in the same category as the animals.

Returning the favor?

As I had earlier discussed this subject, briefly though, in my earlier hub (What makes a person cheat…) I had made an honest attempt to lay down some commonly found reasons which compel a person to become disloyal to his / her partner. Some readers found those reasons justified whereas others discarded them as unreasonable. Speaking for myself, I feel that describing something as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is only an offshoot of one’s perception and perception changes with time; it also differs from one individual to the other. Trust me I have seen couples who extend to each other, the favor of having multiple partners and they seem to be alright with it. For them ‘infidelity’ does not exist. Where does the problem come up then? Obviously, it arises in a situation where only one of the partners tends to break the vows of commitment and loyalty. Does it mean that we have a tendency to condone only those mistakes which we might have committed ourselves? Wow! That explains why a parent (who had been on Marijuana in high school) does not make a big deal out of his teenage child smoking Pot. Possibly he keeps repeating in his mind, “its ok. I did the same thing when I was young.”

Is it time to amend the ‘rules’?

Like we all know, the statutes keep getting amended and the old laws keep getting repealed, only for ensuring their applicability in the modern times. Society changes and so does its needs. Challenges (in our daily lives) have increased and tolerance has decreased considerably. We tend to find the easier way out. The entire concept about loyalty and relationship has changed.

“Life is too short to cry over spilt milk…why not buy a new bottle!” That has been the attitude of most people nowadays. If a person is not happy in a relationship, he tries to open new doors for happiness instead of subjecting his spirit to unnecessary ‘bondage’ (present day synonym for unhappy relationships). Whether or not, he finds happiness that way, is not a subject of consideration here. Cutting the long story, ‘fidelity’ is an issue on which volumes can be said and written but no conclusive judgment can be ever drawn. It has been a grey area and will, probably, remain like that, till we keep sharing our lives with people who tightly hold on to virtues like ‘Morality’ and ‘Fidelity’. In the words of Oscar Wilde—

What a fuss people make about fidelity! Why, even in love it is purely a question for physiology. It has nothing to do with our own will. Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot: that is all one can say." - Oscar Wilde

"People, who love only once in their lives, are shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect -- simply a confession of failures." - Oscar Wilde

Please don’t get me wrong. I am only sharing the thoughts of a renowned author with you. Lol.

DANCE BARS WERE SHUT DOWN IN BOMBAY. AFTER THAT…..

City which never sleeps….
Bombay (Mumbai) apart from being the commercial hub of India has always been famous all over the world, for its glittering and shimmering night life; a city (of razzmatazz) which never sleeps! It has borne the brunt of many political upheavals including the media onslaught for being run by a parallel Government and even controversies like having connections with Middle East (Dubai). It has earned a reputation of being a place for rejuvenation for the business community and the corporate heads from India and the neighboring countries as well. This commercial capital of India could boast of thousands of dance bars, spread all over the city, providing a source of income for more than 75,000 girls from India, Bangladesh and Nepal until year 2006, when the existing Government launched a state wide campaign against these bars, on the grounds of ‘morality’; they viewed this business as an assault on the age old culture and tradition of India, which they believed, was perceived and spoken of as the land of sages, values, religion and spirituality.

The backdrop!
It was a well known fact that these dance bars were officially not the centers for prostitution and any bar dancer who was involved in such activities, did so at her own risk and responsibility; needless to say that the circumstances had to be compelling in order to succumb to prostitution. These places were typically, rendezvous for evening or after work relaxation, coupled with unlimited liquor, blaring music, young girls dancing, and the onlookers (mostly men) relaxing in their reclining chairs watching the girls dance. Did I miss something? How could I forget the filthy rich, trying to mingle with the dancing damsels and showering loads of money on them? What pleasure did they get in wasting money like that? That’s beside the point. The point is, who these girls were and where did they come from? Majority of them sneaked in from poorer countries like Nepal and Bangladesh and the rest hailed from Calcutta (better known as ‘slum state’ of India) and other remote villages in India. These were the girls who had been supporting their families, living far away from them. Most of them, on being interviewed, revealed that they had chosen to live a life of anonymity and ‘disgrace’ (as per social norms) only for ensuring better education for their siblings, providing food to their hapless and helpless parents or for giving a better life to their children (those who had kids). Unfortunately, we have exorbitantly large number of people all over the world, who have very few options for survival in view of their illiteracy, poor economic conditions, lack of resources and (sometimes) geographical location. These people live in such deplorable conditions that they, more often than not, have been reported to sell their children, for a value which equals to a few cents in US currency. The horrifying emptiness of their stagnant lives which seems to be writ large on their morose faces, shouts to everyone that poverty is a curse!

The aftermath.
In view of human trafficking and the ever increasing rate of flesh trade, these dance bar girls were still living under a protective clout, in as much as no one could touch them without their permission. With these bars being shut down, pursuant to the court order, I wonder if the Government really has a clue of what happened to each one of them or to their dependent families. Even though, those poor girls (about 75,000 in number) participated in almost a year long agitation against the court order, they still had to accept the consequences, which they were subjected to, with one stroke of the Judge’s hammer. Whether the purpose behind such a verdict was served, still remains to be assessed. If it was a morality issue, whose morality was involved here? The Government and the law enforcement agencies probably thought that these girls were instrumental in instigating men to lose their ‘morality’ but little did these agencies care about the aftermath, of their unilaterally enforced decision on this weaker segment of the society. I vividly remember watching one of these girls confessing before a media journalist that her mother had been persistently calling her asking for her younger brother’s school fees and she didn’t know what she could possibly tell her as she was herself borrowing money for food. How long she would have survived dreading her mother’s phone calls or how long did it finally take her to succumb to the mounting pressures, no one knows.

Back to Hell!
I am not sure what might have been in the minds of a few political workers when they marched out in streets, shouting slogans against the dance bar owners but one thing came out crystal clear; they succeeded in their vendetta and rendered those poor girls jobless and penniless too. The shocking result (as per reports) was that these girls were eventually left with no other alternative but to resort to prostitution. Ironically, the girls might have had to sleep with those men whom they might have turned down in the past. It might have been like opting for Hell…Hell which they had been saving themselves from. Again, whose ‘morality’ was affected finally? Does it no longer prejudice the ‘rich culture’ of the country? Speaking of men who enjoyed visiting such dance bars, would they have stopped, going to ‘Nautch’ girls or for that matter, indulging in paid sex, after the closing down of these bars?
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