IS ‘FIDELITY’ OVERRATED?

Fidelity by choice or by chance?

In an attempt to answer a request from my friend (hub pages), I am, once again, showing the audacity to step into one of the most controversial domains of human relationships. For ages, this has been an arena, in which almost every individual finds himself trapped, at least once in a lifetime, by choice or by chance. Although, literally speaking, the term ‘infidelity’ (absence of ‘fidelity’) can also be extended to relationships involving business partnerships but here I have confined myself to personal and emotional relationships only. Interestingly, the term ‘infidelity’ has always been condemned by those who do not indulge in it and justified as being reasonable, by those who show such behavioral patterns. The reasons for such indulgence can be varied, ranging from, emotional disturbances, a loveless life, short term infatuation, simple desire to experiment, insatiably high sexual urges, passive aggression, a perverse pleasure, to a simple a hormonal imbalance or even a natural magnetic aura which draws the opposite sex closer no matter how much one resists. Considering how complex human psyche has become in the process of keeping pace with fast moving society, the list can be endless.

Curbing the animal instinct!

Knowing very well that no one on this planet is infallible and that, things, often times, just happen and are not planned or intended that way, it still becomes almost impossible to deem such actions pardonable, especially for those who have never set foot in this ‘land of temptations’. Speaking for the partners (lovers or spouses) of such people (showing infidelity) they feel completely cheated, betrayed and heartbroken. When I dug deep into the roots of these socially overrated concepts like ‘morality’ and ‘fidelity’, it dawned on me that such terms were, most likely, coined to bind an individual within the parameters of a socially accepted and an orderly society. Considering the basic (animal) instincts of a human being, it might have seemed quite logical to institutionalize him in a way that he gets all the freedom to roam around in his small world, subject to a proviso, that if he breaks the ‘rules’ he would have to suffer consequences. From one aspect these ‘rules’ seem to be legitimate as they prevent the formation of a disorderly and a chaotic society to a certain extent; imagine a society where one wouldn’t have to think twice before sleeping with anyone. No matter how tempting that sounds, it would have placed humans in the same category as the animals.

Returning the favor?

As I had earlier discussed this subject, briefly though, in my earlier hub (What makes a person cheat…) I had made an honest attempt to lay down some commonly found reasons which compel a person to become disloyal to his / her partner. Some readers found those reasons justified whereas others discarded them as unreasonable. Speaking for myself, I feel that describing something as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is only an offshoot of one’s perception and perception changes with time; it also differs from one individual to the other. Trust me I have seen couples who extend to each other, the favor of having multiple partners and they seem to be alright with it. For them ‘infidelity’ does not exist. Where does the problem come up then? Obviously, it arises in a situation where only one of the partners tends to break the vows of commitment and loyalty. Does it mean that we have a tendency to condone only those mistakes which we might have committed ourselves? Wow! That explains why a parent (who had been on Marijuana in high school) does not make a big deal out of his teenage child smoking Pot. Possibly he keeps repeating in his mind, “its ok. I did the same thing when I was young.”

Is it time to amend the ‘rules’?

Like we all know, the statutes keep getting amended and the old laws keep getting repealed, only for ensuring their applicability in the modern times. Society changes and so does its needs. Challenges (in our daily lives) have increased and tolerance has decreased considerably. We tend to find the easier way out. The entire concept about loyalty and relationship has changed.

“Life is too short to cry over spilt milk…why not buy a new bottle!” That has been the attitude of most people nowadays. If a person is not happy in a relationship, he tries to open new doors for happiness instead of subjecting his spirit to unnecessary ‘bondage’ (present day synonym for unhappy relationships). Whether or not, he finds happiness that way, is not a subject of consideration here. Cutting the long story, ‘fidelity’ is an issue on which volumes can be said and written but no conclusive judgment can be ever drawn. It has been a grey area and will, probably, remain like that, till we keep sharing our lives with people who tightly hold on to virtues like ‘Morality’ and ‘Fidelity’. In the words of Oscar Wilde—

What a fuss people make about fidelity! Why, even in love it is purely a question for physiology. It has nothing to do with our own will. Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot: that is all one can say." - Oscar Wilde

"People, who love only once in their lives, are shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect -- simply a confession of failures." - Oscar Wilde

Please don’t get me wrong. I am only sharing the thoughts of a renowned author with you. Lol.